Monday 29 April 2013
Karis's 100 Word challenge - Week 28
It was Friday the thirteenth. As I opened my eyes I glared at the dark, looming scene around me. Scared and worried, tired and cold, I sat on the metal roof, still. The skies were grey and I had lost all hope. My home was destroyed, my family were dead and my life was over. An icy, cold tear rolled down my shameful face. I sat next to my brother and held my hand on his cheek. He was gone. As I clambered out of the burned rubble. Screams ran through my head the noise was deafening. No more life!
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What an emotive piece of work Karis. This gave me goosebumps when I read it. I can see you have used a 2 pairs sentence too. Lovely use of vocabulary such as 'clambered' for effect. Don't forget your text layout. Think about where you could have begin a new paragraph.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant writing.
Mrs P
Thats a good piece of work karis. it made me shiver.
ReplyDeleteThis is a stunning piece of writing, Karis - I thoroughly enjoyed reading it (even if the subject matter is rather upsetting!). The language you've chosen to use is so effective - well done! Take a look at the 'As I clambered...' sentence - does it need a comma instead of a full stop at the end?
ReplyDeleteMr K :-)
Wow! That was really emotional but if you were sad would you glare into the darkness?
ReplyDeleteDear Karis,
ReplyDeleteYour 100 word challenge was amazing and I enjoyed reading it. I like how you have used an amazing adjective such as ' looming '. Also, I like how you have used a great opener such as ' as I clambered '. Next time, you could use some more adjectives such as ' gargantuan, petrified and blazing '. Other than that a very BIG WELL DONE! From your quad blogging buddies at www.6D2012.highlawnprimary.net